This isn’t a post for people to feel bad or be like poor girl, its more for people to be more aware of their own actions and to think a bit more before they speak. These experiences have taught me to try and be more sensitive towards others feelings cause if you know me I usually just say whats on my mind with zero filter. So lets talk about… MY WEIGHT!
I feel like people don’t know the type of effect it can have on you when they tell you you’ve gotten bigger or you’ve gotten thinner. They don’t know your goals for your physique or what struggles you have internally with your body image. Thats why I get so upset when someone brings it up to me. I was never sensitive about my weight until I gained it and was struggling to get it down. I basically starved myself by eating less than 1000 calories a day and exercising trying to drop it. It got to a point where I just cried and didn’t know what to do anymore cause my body was not happy, I was starving, exhausted and the number on the scale would not drop. That’s when I messaged Carly (who has been my coach for almost 10 months now) to help me because I was so desperate and did not know what to do anymore. She put me on a workout plan and made a meal plan where I was eating A LOT more than I was used to and just like that the weight/fat started coming off. I was beginning to become comfortable again, loved showing my weight loss progress and I was happier with the way I looked. I went from losing sleep cause I would be stressed out about weighing myself to not even caring anymore, I was much happier. I got down to around 122 when I decided I didn’t want to lose anymore weight. My family kept commenting that I was losing my butt, family friends were saying my face was looking very thin so I was like okay I will sit at this weight for awhile.
I think I stayed that way for a month then decided I wanted to try and bulk cause I realized I wanted more muscle. Now lets remember that I am 5’2 so even a couple pounds of weight increase is noticeable. At first I was excited to bulk, I looked fuller in my butt and got to eat more. It wasn’t until I ran into someone at the gym who commented on my weight gain. He said “Oh you’ve gained weight right? Yeah you look better thicker”. It completely caught me off guard cause I didn’t really think the weight gain was that noticeable. From then on every week of “bulking” was a struggle, the number on the scale went up and yeah I did get to eat more and lift more but I slowly started to feel uncomfortable with my body. I don’t even want to call it a bulk cause Carly honestly had to fight me to get me to increase calories. I did this for about 3ish months. One day while visiting my mom at work her coworker asked..”What happened to Daniela, she gained weight?” Not knowing how this would effect my feelings my mom told me and I lost it. I was sitting at 130 pounds and decided I couldn’t do it anymore, that comment threw me over the edge. I was already feeling insecure and that feeling was heightened. I would look at myself in the mirror and just feel gross and fat. If you haven’t noticed I barely post photos of myself now cause I just don’t feel comfortable anymore and am not super happy with where my body is at and nothing anyone says will change that. You’ll only see me post my face if I am using a snapchat filter (if you think about it you know it’s true) cause I feel like you can’t tell if my face is big or not. Some of the photos I’ve posted recently are old ones from my old Instagram cause most of you haven’t even seen them. If I post body photos its cause I look small that day and I also know how to angle my body. I know a lot of people are going to think ” Well you shouldn’t let what people think bug you” but how is it not supposed to bug me when its something I already struggle with? I don’t know, it’s crazy cause if you knew me a bit over a year ago I’d probably post a picture of myself every couple of days (on my old IG), I even got into a fight with my friend cause she said I was a narcissist but somehow I ended up here feeling the way I feel. I know theres so much more to me than my weight and the way I look but at the moment this is my struggle.
Like I said before, this isn’t some cry for attention, for you to message me and be like you look great blah blah or anything. Its just a post to get you to be more aware of what you’re putting out there in the world. Even if you think I’m fat, ugly, conceited..the list goes on, why tell me or tell someone who will potentially tell me? Im sure the people who’ve made comments about my body don’t say it to make me sad or anything but it goes to show how much more aware we need to be about what we say or put out there. SO BE NICE. I see a lot of people post “Good Vibes Only” and other stuff but they don’t even practice it, they’re the first ones out there being mean and talking crap. If you ain’t got nothing nice to say, don’t say it at all. Hopefully this post makes sense LOL cause I kind of feel like its all over the place!
P.S- Everyday I work on loving myself more and realizing theres more to me than the way I look. Im very blessed to have amazing people in my life who uplift me everyday and help me get through my internal struggles. Lets just say I’m a work in progress.
P.S.S- Sorry for the poor structure/grammar and so on. I’m not trying to be published or anything, I just come here to share my thoughts.